Somehow I always get inspired to pose naked, whenever I see myself naked in the mirror, I get pissed off looking to that big alcoholic belly hanging, I feel like breaking that mirror or joining the gym on urgent basis but nothing happens…!!! I keep arguing myself why not?  I am educated person, living an active life, I love all the good things in life also love to do all the bad things in life, so why can’t I pose nude? Just because of my shapeless and shameless body?

To experiment, one day I clicked my naked pictures from my mobile camera and I looked so horrible that I could not recognized myself, I immediately deleted with a fear it may get published on the net or if my wife would see and for sure she will divorce me, my children who thinks I am superman, what they will think about me? Also in way posing nude in front of camera is very risky, it may get published on net or forwarded through mobile phones, I was looking for a safe alternative.

I strongly feel that nudity is truth. Clothing is deception. Clothes are layering on the intellect that blur and complicate reality, nudity is not just a shedding of clothes, and it is the slipping out of insecurities, from the hangover of self-delusion, the pangs of being constantly on guard, the inherent need to project something all the time, something that may not be the truth. People look at it as an extreme state of vulnerability. Clothing allows people to lead duals lives: one for themselves and the other for public consumption. Clothes acutely make their presence felt in their absence. I see nudity as a loud assertion. This is who I am. Deal with it.

If I have to get nude in front of camera maybe I will take little time, maybe I will wrap a towel, or hide myself with a book, or maybe in underwear, I may need more time, I cannot do it in one go. I can lay naked on the bed together with a woman for hours, awake and silent but not in front of camera. Like prostitute is waiting to get fucked maybe she refuses to pose, the body of prostitute, contrary to what most men think. Is her private space, she finds it odd and turn strangely shy.

One day I was waiting for my NRI girlfriend Kanta Puskar at Jehangir Art Gallery, she was running late so I went to inside and saw a exhibition of some very beautiful nude sketches, I got alternative of camera lens, I expressed my desire to that artist, I just wanted to see how I appears in your eyes, and he agreed to sketch me nude.

Next day I went to his studio, I was very shy to strip my clothes in front of a man, stripping is the most critical part for the first-timer like me, this transformation from one to the other state evokes the most acute anxiety, I cannot forget that I am naked in same way I don’t remember I am dressed, so I need to forget that I am naked, with great difficulties I managed to forget and overcome that I am naked, after the session was over, I found that process therapeutic, it declutters my minds, it gives delusion of dispossession for an hour or so. It rekindles my energy; I just ventured into an uncomfortable zone.

I asked the artist about his experience of sketching me nude? He says “ I have no special like or dislike of drawing women with heaving breasts and men with rounded buttocks, while posing most of the faces are usually blank, but their bodies are very expressive, what I dabble in is the language of the unspoken”. He gifted me the sketch, I was looking exactly the way I dreamt about myself to be, moreover; I was looking manlier and happier without clothes.

Next week I went with Kanta as she wanted to experience the whole process of sketching nude, she started removing her clothes without any hesitation in front of us, very naturally I put my both the palms over my eyes, wondering why I am shy to get nude and also to see the nudity, I heard her voice “how do I look”? I slowly removed my palms and saw her standing naked in front of me, she got a very beautiful body, I was fascinated with her curves, she tried to give some sexy pose like a prone-star, spreading her legs, thrusting her breasts up with her palms, she was very close to me I can feel warmth of her bare exterior, the artist standing beside me told her that don’t give such a pose which you may not hold this position for long…we all had a big laugh.

My NRI girlfriend Kanta was a divorcee, this sketching session was a vindication of her existence, she was to frame her sketch and put it on her bed-room wall and I had rolled my sketch and hidden where no one can find.

I wondered why the human species started wearing clothes in the first place. Perhaps to facilitate migrations to colder climes? To help insecure men conceal their penis sizes? Hygiene? Whatever the reasons, clothes were never meant to hide. Just protect.

Thanks Giving:

Before I start my post I would like to thanks my few friends – First I would like thanks Malay Gandhi who is been a source of my information about Fatima and Samir Ashar who is my source of inspiration as he is still connected with our school being Chief Guest on Parents Day or Reunion of his batch and Nikhil Shah being my aspiration who I think has created a very interactive page of Fatima High School on FB lastly my friend Pravin Kushe who shared a Dubai party pictures of Fr. Bertrand, I published those pictures on 20^th August 2009 and this was a turning point  Fr. Bertrand was back in our life after so many years!!! The month of December becomes a festival of FHS Reunion and in every reunion Fr. Bertrand is invited as a Chief Guest  – I consider you all a TRUE FATIMAITE…

My Blog:

This December 2011 we had a small reunion of our batch and we had invited about 60 including spouse and the final turn out was 45 as few were divorcees & widows but I was happy rest all are still alive and not dead, out of 45 the centre of attraction was our 3 NRI students, who all the way flew from USA to attend this reunion they were namely Kamlesh, Kanta & Hardik I was very close to all because in STD 8^th Kamlesh was my bench-partner; in 9^th Hardik and in 10^th Kanta, let me tell you the story of my 3 friends:

Kamlesh Asher: he was very slow and boring, he never does his homework so teacher never ask him, I always do my homework and teacher never ask me, since I sit beside him teacher assume me like him and I use to hate that…!!! In final results he will get 35^th rank promoted and I will 34^th rank promoted, I can’t imagine what if he fails? I complained to my father and my father complained to Fr. Bertrand and he changed my division in STD 9^th; he is in USA for more than 30 years and American Authorities has made spelling mistakes in his name on immigration papers, today on his passport his name is read as MR. CUMLESS ASSHER.

Hardik Dixit: he was fat but fast and clever so all the teachers loved him, he occupies more than half space on the bench and he complains that I am occupying most of the space and teacher always makes me kneel-down and he will sit comfortably on the whole bench, he was bright and first ranker which gave me inferiority complex – I complained to my father and my father complained to Fr. Bertrand and he changed my division in STD 10^th; he is in USA for more than 30 years and American authorities made a spelling mistake in his name on immigration papers, today  on his passport his name is read as MR. HARDICK DICKSHIT.

Kanta Puskar: she was not very beautiful nor pretty but she was very sweet and innocent, I like the flowery & powdery fragrance from her clothes, she use to call me Dev Anand and whole class tease me and so I started calling her Hema Malini and she was getting flattered by that name, in fact we got paired Dev Anand & Hema Malini. Honestly I cleared my SSC just because of Fragrance of Kanta – I told my father that I will do Arts because Kanta is doing Arts – my father slapped me. Today when she saw me she hugged me tight, I hold her more tightly, we both were passing through the same emotions, I knew she was crying and I saw my wife standing, she was crying but I ignored her as I was enjoying the fragrance of Kanta after 30 years.  Later I discovered she is divorcee and little after that my wife discovered that Kanta is divorcee and that was end of my reunion with Kanta.

Unfortunately, American authorities made a spelling mistake in her name on immigration papers, today on her passport her name is read as MS. CUNTA PUSH-KAR.

Disclaimer: This is my imaginative post all the characters are fictitious if any resemblances is purely co-incidental – just enjoy reading.

At 56 and I feel exactly like 56 years old, many people say that at 56 they feel young like 26 years old and I always wonder why the fuck I don’t feel myself like 26 from any angle? – not by my mind, not by my heart and not even physically & sexually; the reason is at 56 my mind is not as fast & open like it was at 26; it has become slow & rigid; my heart is not young as 26 now it is under constant fear of getting fail; my physical energies has gone low, although sexual urge remains same but the body doesn’t respond to that extent the way it use to respond; at 26 it use to rise at a glance of beautiful girls, now it has become bit lazy…!!! So how others don’t feel the way I feel at 56? Am I abnormal or others are?

I believe in moving forward and not backward, so I thought of celebrating 100 years at the age of 56 years, if at 56 I feel screwed by all the four layers of youth which is mind, heart, physical & sexual,  what will happen at 100? And how do I go up to 100?

To get 100 is difficult when you are on 90…!!! The best example is Sachin Tendulkar, on 90s he missed his 9 to 10 centuries, he is lucky to get other chances, as in real life there is no second chance? Hence I have to be careful that I don’t exit at 90s and plan to stick around till 100…!!! So what will happen at 100? It is a glory!!!

At 100 maybe I will lose my eyesight but not my foresight; my mind will not work fast or slow but it will be balance; my heart will bless the people around me so no fear of getting fail; my physical energies would b e very low, my sexual urge could be little lesser but my body may not support my urge.

I will have the desires but at that age I don’t deserve any? At 100, down the memory lane, I will crib to what I have missed in my life and not be happy to what I got – and that is a misery of life; we remain always unsatisfied; why people feel like 26 at the age of 56? Because they all lived in future and missed many good things at 26…!!! Or me celebrating 100 years at the age of 56 because I want to enjoy and experience my future today, I don’t have patience to wait till 100 years – we don’t live at our age and also we don’t want to be what we are? Always living projected life and widening the gap between our real-self and projected-self…!!!

I wish myself A very Happy Birthday to dear me – I say to myself Thank You!!!

Jai Jinendra

We Welcome

Parvadhiraj Paryushana

We celebrate forgiveness: Kshamavani Parv

Jainism is self-originated, no Tirthankar founded it. It has however, produced Tirthankars, Jainism does not perceive the existence of God, and it acknowledges the self as atman. Jain philosophy is based on self-realisation, atmadarshan. Rishabhdev and Mahavir are the first and last of 24 Tirthankars respectively of the present six-cycle period of Jain chronology.

Kshamavani Day marks the conclusion of the Maha Parv of self purification. Kshama is a Sanskrit word, its first letter ksha embodies a knot, and the second letter ma means a ban, meaning thereby that wielding a knot in your heart for any jiva is banned. Harbour feelings of goodwill and friendship for one and all. Abandon all passions like anger, egoism, hypocrisy and greed that hold the soul to bondage. Subvert anger by forgiveness, subdue pride by modesty and overcome animosity, hatred through love and compassion.

This scared and supreme parv of reflection, meditation, adoration and self-purgation is celebrated from the fifth day of bright fortnight of Bhadrapad till Anant Chaturdashi for 10 days with fervour and devotion, devotees entirely absorbed in prayer, studying scriptures, eulogising, attending sermons of sadhus, fasting for days together, taking very restricted and light diet, contemplating and leading ascetic-like life, exercising ever austerity for spiritual enlightenment.

Let us celebrate forgiveness: forgiveness is the attribute to the brave, we need profound love to forgive but need more humility to ask for forgiveness, it is the top most virtue of self and the best tradition in Jainism.

On the occasion of Parayushana Parva, my true and Hearted

MICHCHHAMI DUKKADAM

We once again ask for forgiveness and we wish your life would be peaceful and spiritually enlightened.

MICHCHHAMI DUKKADAM

Asha & Yogesh Dawda

Dear Friends,

It took me about 4 months to complete my book and more than  two and half years to publish, I am very happy with sales figures and the feedback I got from my readers.

If you like my blogs than I recommend you to read this book and if you don’t read or like my blogs then I strongly recommend you to read my book, I am a avid reader and I had read many authors most of them are good writers with good English but I found a very few are good story teller and I consider myself as a good story teller!!!

In this book I chose to fictionalize the real incident of 26/11 – I started telling the story with 26/11 and I slowly moved away from the real incident without losing the connect with the main storyline, I kept the story very crisp hence sometimes you will find it abrupt but actually it is fast pace and gripping, you can finish it in one go, and even good for beginners.

I have kept my language simple and silly, I expressed all the emotions the way in which I felt, I used the slang the way it should be, I described the love making scene as a sex not hiding the emotions, it was just the way any common man feel and that makes the story more friendly bringing the readers closer to the character without much of characterization done that is beauty of good story-telling.

I request you to buy my book it is just Rs 136/- with free home delivery anywhere in India, just click www.flipkart.com go to search type the full name The Eleventh Terrorist and follow the instruction.

It is up to you guys who make my book a best-seller so please forward this to your other friends.

Thank you in advance!!!

Yours truly

Yogesh Dawda

I got married at age of 26 and from that day till 40, I was a very shy and reserved person, I was thankful to my aunty to find me such a beautiful and caring wife, suddenly after 14 years I turn 40 and I started getting romantic and I found others wives more beautiful than my wife to the extent our ugly bai (maid servant) became a object of my fantasy and my friends use to tell me “she is bai” and I would respond “kya bai insaan nahi hoti” my mind was always occupied with some wild desires and I was badly in need a pep up and so always trying to make girlfriends but my problem was that I was shy person and unromantic too.

Normally women has got the 6^th sense but my wife has got one extra sense, she knew I am giving more attention to other women and she will fire me “you will not find any woman on this earth, I am the one who is tolerating you since last 14 years and no other woman can stay with you for 14 days” I put both my hands on my ears and asked her WHY? And she continues “because you don’t know how to compliment woman; cuddle her; tease her; love her; hug her; hold her; spend money on her; listen to her; care for her; support her; buy things for her; you are just a selfish man and you know what I mean?” I realized she was right, man loved woman only when she is in the kitchen or bedroom this is where men’s hunger gets satisfied and rest of the time he will just ignore her.

I was very happy with my wife till 40 and she was unhappy from the 14^th day of our marriage that thought makes me sad thinking am I normal or I am abnormal? But when she turned 40 she started believing in religion more than her Swamiji (religious priest) she will fast 7 days a week and her Swamiji will eat 7 times in a day; she does 3 hours puja every morning and at night and her Swamiji will have oil massage every morning and raas lila in the evening; my wife and other young and beautiful women gets VIP treatments in ashram, at the time of satsangs they get front row seats to get the sanmukh(face to face) darshan of Swamiji or vice versa Swamiji to get sanmukh darshan of young & beautiful women. I don’t understand why the women at 40 becomes religious and start following that ugly, stupid, weird Swamiji with long hair and extra longer beard, what turns them on?

At 40 if an ugly bai (maid servant) turns us on who can become the object of man’s fantasy then at 40 why women can’t follow that ugly Swamiji? Being man I know how other man thinks? Man only thinks about woman, whether he may be your Swaminath (Husband) or Swamiji, basically all men are same, today I am 54 exactly 14 years from 40 and I am still same no change “aadmi ki fitrat kute ki dum jaisi hoti hai hamesa tedhi, woh kabhi nahi sudhrega” we will never change, we will never exchange, doesn’t mind daily change!!!

Like we say at 40 man becomes naughty similarly at 60 man is like 16 – on the wanting stage of his un-fulfil desires and dreams and he cannot be on having stage as his biological order is screwed up and also his body may not support him and so when he dies his eyes or mouth will remain open and the person who dies rich and lived life like a poor his both eyes and mouth will remain open RIP (Rest In Pain)

I can imagine at the age of 60 I may eat less and fart more; at 60 my vices becomes wiser more free advices so my children will avoid me; the young girls and women will hate me saying ‘Buddha khusad kaise dekhta hai, kya dekhta hai, kahan dekhta hai’ because they think I am staring at them, actually due to my poor vision, I will be focusing to recognize them.  At night I will sleep less snore more, moment my snoring stops my wife will check whether this bastard is alive or gone? Obvious reason I will sleep less because I will be under constant fear whether I will wake up in the morning or gone? Enough is enough whenever I think about future I get sick; I am going to start the wellness medicines to avoid all these sicknesses as precautionary measures.

In next 6 year if I want to do what I have to do then I have start doing from today, before I enter into dull and boring phase of my life I would like to consolidate my 54 years, I want to teach my children that don’t look for the temporary happiness, your mind will keep thinking that you will be happy if finally you get better job or big house or fancy car, when a desire is fulfilled you feel happy and then other desire comes and again you will start looking to the future and remember that no matter what success, fame, or relationship you achieve in the world the lasting fulfilment does not come, so break the habit of looking happiness in future and be happy right now and let tomorrow be another day with new challenges and opportunities. Do not ride on ego that I am somebody try to remain nobody and then only you will get love from everybody.

In next six year I need to clean my slate to zero liability and zero asset, I want to spend all my money what I have earned in this lifetime, we get many business opportunities in our life,  but few opportunities to do good things in our life and I would not like to miss such opportunities but before that I want to understand the difference between good and bad because whole life I did things which I felt good, adopting my own ideology ‘karma kar acche bura mat soch’ originally in  Bhagwad Gita it says ‘karma kar fal ki iccha mat rakh’ it does not specify what type of karma good or bad? We do not expect any fal (fruits) from god as it is very expensive nowadays.

The moment I start thinking about my next 6 years, I start messing up so I have decided to live life as it comes – who cares about tomorrow, kya pata kal ho na ho!!!